


Homosexual Transmogrifier

by TheGreatGreyBeast



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: A New Evil Plan, Best Friend Roxanne Ritchi, Bisexual Megamind, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Crushes, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mad Science, Requited Love, Wingman Minion, gay science
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28259091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatGreyBeast/pseuds/TheGreatGreyBeast
Summary: Megamind's new master plan will either end with Metro Man's defeat or his love.
Relationships: Megamind/Metro Man
Comments: 17
Kudos: 83





	1. The Plan

“Minion, BEHOLD. My newest diablo-otic scheme!” Megamind said, gesturing to a huge piece of junk lying on the roommates' coffee table covered with a white sheet. 

“I think you mean diabolic, Sir.” Minion interjected helpfully. 

“Yes, diablo-otic, keep up Minion! It’s like those fish ears of yours are always waterlogged.” He huffed. 

“Well, technically they a-” 

“-So what I was saying, here’s my newest evil scheme to finally get rid of Metro Man once and for all!” He pulled the sheet off his new invention with flair, making sure to really show it off. The machine was hardly anything to look at, mostly trash found on the streets of Metro City, but it did have a faded rainbow down the side of it to make up for the drab appearance. 

“And what is it Sir?” Minion asked. 

“It is my homosexual transmogrifier! This device will shoot homosexual beams straight through Metro Man’s residence, turning him gay on impact! Then, when he is fully transformed, I will seduce him with my bisexual blue charm! I will allow him to take me on a few dates, and by the end he will be so in love with me that he will be completely at my mercy! I will have the upper hand with my hero, and when he’s on my side I’ll be free to rule over Metrocity!” Megamind let out an evil laugh, very pleased with himself and his new plan. 

Minion sat quiet for a few moments. When he gathered his thoughts he finally spoke, “Are you sure this isn’t just a plan to start dating Metro Man? I know the two of you have some chemistry, I really think there might be another way to go about th-” 

“UGH! Ugh, Minion. How could you insult me like this? In my own evil lair! Why would I EVER want to, ” He dry heaved, “DATE Metro Man! You’re impossible.” He blushed intensely, turning the blue skin on his cheeks and nose a soft purple. He’d been found out. 


	2. Phase One

No matter how much flack Minion would give him, Megamind HAD to go forward with the plan. How’s he supposed to be a good villain without scheming against his hero? He knew that the plan is purely for villainy, no other ulterior motives. Or at least, that’s what Megamind told himself. 

Phase one was set in motion for the day by Minion, much to Megamind’s chagrin. 

“I scheduled a call with Metro Man for you today, Sir. We’ll be hearing from him,” Minion looked at his watch. “In the next fifteen minutes! The monitor’s all set up when you’re ready.”

Megamind sat at the table clad in blue checkered pajamas. His mouth hung open wide in horror, showing off the cinnamon toast crunch he was eating for breakfast. 

“Minion! You couldn’t give a guy a heads up?” He said, growing frantic. He set down his cereal bowl on the table. “Look at me! I’m nowhere near ready to conference with Metro Man!” He hopped up and dashed to his room. 

From the kitchen, Minion could hear him throw open his huge armoire and start rustling through it for the perfect outfit. Minion fried eggs on the stove for himself. “You’ve been enemies with Metro Man for a long time. He’s seen you in pajamas before, don’t worry!” Minion called to him. “I’m sure he will hate you just as much as he usually does.” He said fondly.

“I can’t take any chances, you know that Minion!” Megamind called back. “It is my duty as a supervillain to be dressed evilly always.” And not because he wanted to impress his hero, obviously. He stepped out, and presented his outfit for the day. “What do you think? Do I look evil enough?” He was in his tallest black platforms, the boots stopped just below his knees. He wore his nicest black turtleneck tucked into black tulle pants that flared out at the bottom. He topped the outfit off with his long floor length leather coat; spikes studded the shoulders and stuck outwards at the collar. 

“You look downright despicable, Sir.” Minion smiled. He flipped the eggs onto a plate with a piece of toast. 

Megamind popped his collar up. “Oh, you’re just saying that.” He worried. He grabbed his eyeliner off the shelf and applied it in the mirror in the living room. His head turned either way to test if the liner was even. He sighed a nervous sigh. “Minion, after today I might have to disown you. You’ve been overstepping your sidekick role.” 

“I’m your sidekick _and_ your best friend.” Minion reminded him. “This is for your own good, I promise.” 

“You better be right about this. How much time is left?”

“Two minutes and counting.”

Megamind smoothed out his coat and took a deep breath. Go time. He strutted into his observatory and made himself comfortable in his chair in front of the monitor. 

He hunched over and played absentmindedly with the buttons and knobs on his desk in wait. The screen’s fuzz flickered momentarily, and Metro Man was live. Megamind scrambled to sit up straight and look strong and focused. He adjusted the buttons on his coat awkwardly. 

“Metro Man! My most despised nemesis.” He greeted.

“... I’m your only nemesis little man.” Metro Man lounged on his white leather couch in a simple white suit. His hair was combed and gelled immaculately. 

“And yet you’re most despised.” Megamind huffed. He drank in Metro Man’s look. He looked so… heroic. He mentally kicked himself for thinking he looked fashionable; he always was a sucker for a good dresser. 

“What is it this time? Your fish brother told me you had something to tell me.” He buffed his perfect clear coat painted nails. 

“We’ve known each other since elementary shooll Metro Man, you know Minion isn’t directly related to me.”

“And if you paid any attention in elementary you would know it’s called a school.”

Megamind was getting flustered, he balled his fists. “Oh, enough of these brain games!” Metro Man smiled deviously, always happy to rile the other man up. “You’re here today to learn how I’ll bring about your doom.” He narrated, talking and gesturing wildly to try and make it sound as bad as possible. 

“I’ve supposedly almost met my doom four times this week alone. What’s the scheme for today?” Metro Man rested his head lazily on one hand. 

“Let me present to you my new device!” He got up and pushed his chair out of the way. There in the middle of the floor stood a white table covered in a sheet (for dramatic effect, again). “Behold!” He tore off the sheet to reveal his ray gun. 

“Cute art project.” Metro Man nodded, acknowledging the rainbow down the side. 

“It is neither cute nor an art project! It is evil, and it is a very dangerous ray gun.” He argued. “And here’s how it’ll work,” He went into great detail describing to Metro Man his very evil plan he had told Minion earlier. Everything so far was going according to the last minute plan. 

After a few minutes, Megamind finished his epic speech. Metro Man sat there stunned, this was a very different plan than the man usually had. For once, Megamind had broken out of his usual stereotypes and corny plans. And for once, Metro Man was actually surprised. “Why are you telling me all this? Won’t this ruin your plan?”

“Once I turn this baby on and blast you with the ray, you’ll have no recollection of this conversation. And I’ll win.” His hand moved to the on switch. “Any last words?”

“I-”

“Oops! Too bad.” Megamind cut him off and slammed down on the on switch. The ray fired, and traveled all the way from Megamind’s observatory to Metro Man’s secret lair. Through the video call you could see the rainbow beam zap Metro Man. His body shook just slightly. Then, he was suspiciously still. His eyes stayed on the white carpeted floor. 

Metro Man finally brought his gaze back up to Megamind after a few moments. He blinked slowly. 

Megamind watched on with intent. His hard grip on his chair turned his knuckles a light grey. “Metro Man, how do you feel?”

Metro Man’s blank face transformed into a much more flirty one. He grinned slyly, his eyes looking Megamind up and down from head to toe. The villain had only seen him use this sort of gaze on women he had romanced in the past. “I’m feelin’ just fine.” He winked.

Megamind blushed. It worked. It actually worked. He knew he was good at being bad, but he didn’t know he was this good. 

“And hey, blue?” Metro Man said. 

Megamind pointed to himself questioningly. _Me?_ The two had never used nicknames. 

“What would you say about a date? Just me and you?”


	3. Brief Interlude

_Ding._

The bell above the door rang out as another person entered through. People bustled around Metro City’s most popular diner, either sitting at tables chatting or standing patiently in line. The air smelled of fresh coffee and a joyful morning. 

“Roxanne, what am I going to do??” Megamind fretted, apparently not experiencing that joyful morning. He reached out and grabbed his coffee, and drank the rest of it all in one long sip. He slammed the empty cup down on the table. 

Journalist extraordinaire Roxanne Ritchi sat across from him, arms crossed and deep in thought. “You zapped him? With a gay ray?” She asked incredulously. 

“Yes.” He said quietly.

“And he... asked you on a date?” She sounded like her brain was working overtime to understand the situation. 

“Yes! Why is it a big surprise he asked me on a date?” Megamind asked, ego slightly affected. “ _You_ didn’t have a problem going on dates with me.” He winked.

Roxanne laughed. “No I didn’t. We had a fun time.” She reached out and took Megamind’s hands into her own. “But you can’t keep coming up with hairbrained schemes to get people to like you! Have you ever thought that people might just be interested in you for you, and not because of your machines?”

“Are you hearing yourself?” He scoffed. “Of course people like me for my machines, why else would I make such magnificent ones?”

“Be serious.” She rolled her eyes lightheartedly. 

“Oh, Ms. Ritchi, I'm dad serious.” Megamind tried his best smolder on her. 

She let go of his hands, and raised her eyebrows at him.“You mean dead serious.” He dropped his smoulder in defeat. “But really,” She continued, “I think you should give yourself more credit. You’re likable, funny, you dress well and--”

He leaned his face on one hand. “Go on, tell me more great things about me.”

“AND,” She emphasized. “I think you’re a catch. You’re more than just your inventions and saving the city, you’re you! And that means you don’t need some gay ray gun to make Metro Man like you. Call off the ray and get to know him without the mind control, you and I both know that isn’t exactly ethical.”  
  


Megamind sighed. “I think you overestimate me. Metro Man and I are mortal enemies, he could never see me that way without my own intervention. But I _did_ try to call it off!”

“That’s good! That’s a step in the right direction.” Roxanne nodded. 

“Except, Metro Man wouldn’t stop calling the evil lair and emailing my sinister email, and he insists we go on our date. He won’t let me out of it.” He said sheepishly. 

“Ugh. Ok, new plan then.” She took a quick sip from her hot chocolate.

“What new plan? Should I flee the country? Go into hiding?” He said, anxiously tapping on the diner table. 

“What? No. We need to think simpler than that.” She sat silent for a few moments and contemplated. Then her eyes lit up, “You’re going to go on this one date with Metro Man, and in the meantime you and Minion can work on a reversal ray to undo whatever it is you did to his brain!” 

Megamind was shocked. “Woah, what? I thought it wasn’t a good idea to go?” He raised a single black eyebrow, not following her plan. 

“It’s not. But what other choice do you have?” She leaned over the table to smooth out the wrinkles on the shoulders of his shirt. She smiled, “Just make sure to be a gentleman.”

Megamind gave her a relieved grin. That he could do, even villains know proper date etiquette. 

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, this started out as a joke but now I'm into writing more if anyone wants it lol


End file.
